10 hours ago
6
I hated my nose when I was younger. I thought it was huge and pointed, and when I was little, classmates called me Concorde. As an adult, my husband would jokingly duck when I turned round. But other than it not being the neat little stub nose I dreamed of, it never caused me any problems.
In 2012, while out on a walk near my home in Redditch, Worcestershire, my dog, Cece, jumped up at me, knocking my nose. It was sore, but not broken. A few days later, though, it was still painful and had started to swell.
Weeks passed and it felt constantly blocked. Doctors had no idea what was wrong with me, and it took two years before I was diagnosed with an autoimmune condition called vasculitis, which destroys blood vessels. It had lain dormant for years, but had been triggered by the bump.
I was put on chemotherapy tablets, but my nose had started to become deformed. Vasculitis caused my blood vessels to become inflamed, restricting blood flow to my nose and damaging the tissue. It was collapsing in on itself, and I couldn’t leave the house without people staring at me.
I became scared to go out. Strangers would ask if my husband had attacked me, or if I was addicted to cocaine. Once, I bumped into an old school friend who gasped and recoiled when she saw me. It was soul-destroying. I barely left the house for five years. I had to stop work because the treatment made me so exhausted. My life was a shell of what it had been.
It reached a stage where I could no longer taste or smell. The worst thing was not being able to smell my children and husband when they hugged me. It was something I didn’t even realise I could miss. Luckily, I have an incredibly strong marriage and I know my husband, Martin, loves me no matter what.
By 2017, my nose had collapsed completely and my face was totally flat. I was finally in remission, but doctors told me there was nothing that could be done to save my nose.
I was incredibly lucky to be put under the care of a team at Queen Elizabeth hospital, Birmingham, who constructed a prosthetic nose for me. The head of prosthetics asked for old pictures of me so she could create a similar nose, but I didn’t want my old nose back. “I quite like your nose,” I told her – so she made me a model of hers. Every day I thank my lucky stars that I met such an incredible woman.
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I had three magnets screwed into the hole where my nose used to be, and now I just clip my nose on each morning and it sticks in place. I have several different noses – there were seven at the last count. Because my skin tone changes through the seasons, they are all slightly different colours. Once, I told them I’d felt self-conscious after going out for a few drinks: my face flushed a little, but my nose didn’t. They then made me a “drunk nose” that’s a little bit pinker than the rest. I pop it in my handbag when I go out. I keep them all locked away in a wooden tea box, after the dog got hold of one and chewed it up.
I don’t wear my nose overnight. I rinse out the hole each morning when I wake up, then I just pop my nose on and that’s it for the rest of the day.
There has been the odd awkward incident; sometimes if I’m pulling a tight jumper over my head, I’ll accidentally knock my nose off. A particularly ferocious sneeze blew it off once, too. But now it doesn’t bother me if people see me take my nose off.
I spread awareness about my condition, doing talks to doctors through Vasculitis UK. I always take my nose off on stage, as I think it makes me quite memorable, and I hope my story might help them diagnose someone else.
People ask me if I blame my dog, but I think she saved me. I was always going to develop this condition at some point. There’s no guarantee I won’t suffer with vasculitis again, but for now I’m in remission, and I’m actually glad that this has happened to me – with hindsight, I think it has made me a better person. I am more empathic and I find pleasure in the simple things in life. I don’t take a hug from my husband or sons for granted. Just being alive is a true privilege that I am honoured to have.
As told to Heather Main
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