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How do you celebrate the end of the year?
Office parties can be a drag, but if you’re self-employed, it can be easy to roll without ceremony from one year into the next. Three years ago, two friends and I were bemoaning the lack of festivities and decided to make up for it by organising our own end-of-year lunch.
It has become a beacon in my calendar: we find a restaurant we’ve been wanting to try, book the afternoon off and count down to the date. It always feels special and memorable.
That’s the power of ritual, says Erin Coupe, a transformation coach and author of I Can Fit That In: How Rituals Transform Your Life. She defines rituals as “intentional, rhythmic choices” that bring us energy, presence and meaning.
At this time of year, it’s traditional to take stock and set intentions for the next. But rituals aren’t just for special occasions, Coupe argues – they can elevate everyday life. Here are her tips for creating more meaning during the festive season and beyond.
Instead of spending money, look for meaning
As well as repetition, structure and action, rituals are defined by intention and meaning, says Coupe. By contrast, routines often carry obligation or duty, and can be carried out mindlessly.
A ritual “fills you up”, Coupe says: “You are purposely choosing to do it because you want to, and you know that it’s going to stir something within you.” This also distinguishes rituals from superficial versions of “self-care” that require you to spend money.
Use ritual throughout the year
There’s scope to create your own traditions. “Some rituals might be annual, or seasonal,” Coupe says. Instead of exchanging holiday gifts, Coupe’s family takes a holiday in early January: “That experience is the ritual, being together.”
The same could apply to something like my freelance festive lunch. Enshrining a monthly meal or weekly call as a ritual makes it more meaningful and more likely to be prioritised, Coupe says: “There’s a cadence to it. It’s something you look forward to.”
Think beyond resolutions
Instead of setting resolutions, Coupe chooses a single word to guide her year, based on what she wants to cultivate: for example, abundance, clarity or peace. She displays her chosen word prominently in her home. It’s “less daunting” than a resolution, she says, focusing on smaller and more immediate opportunities for change.
Coupe also conducts an annual review of her work, looking at what went well, what she could do without and what she wants to pursue more of. Without such check-ins, she says, it’s easy to spend the year “just going through the motions”.
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Check in with yourself
It’s hard to bring more meaning to life if you don’t know what’s meaningful to you. “You have to be clear on what fills you up and what drains you,” Coupe says. She recommends making self-reflection a ritual – through journaling, meditation, yoga or a regular walk without headphones.
Self-awareness is not the same as self-analysis or self-criticism. Coupe thinks of it as gaining understanding of your thoughts, and limiting beliefs and ways in which “you are working against yourself”.
“If you’re not actually aware of what is moving within you, it can’t change,” Coupe says. “You’ve got to look at what’s going on inside and understand that, then start to shift.”
When Coupe was working a stressful corporate job while raising two young children, she used to get up at 5.15am just to enjoy 45 minutes alone.
“That was my time,” she says. It helped her cope better with work pressures, and gradually improved her mood and resilience. “I was more grounded, peaceful and becoming more patient, all because I was fueling something within myself,” she says.
Be deliberate about where you spend energy
“You can’t say yes to everything,” Coupe says, “so how do you intentionally choose?”
This year, I turned down some festive invitations so I could be present at others. In the past, I’d have tried to make them all, stretching myself mentally and financially. Unexpectedly, being selective increased my anticipation and enjoyment.
Removing activities we only do out of obligation or habit creates space for more restorative ones. For years, Coupe had a glass of wine after work to “take the edge off”. She eventually stopped after realising it was more of a drain than a boost: “There was no intention – it was just something I did.”
Elevate your everyday
A ritual should feel special, even in a small way, and connect you to the present moment, says Coupe, “but it doesn’t have to be a grandiose thing”. Small actions can create space and improve our sense of control.
Coupe suggests setting an intention while making your morning tea or coffee, saying: “You’re allowing your mind to just be present, and not automatically jump into having your energy and attention taken away from you.”
Try reframing routines as rituals. I’ve long been haphazard about making my bed each morning; now, noticing how much calmer I feel afterward makes it seem less like a chore.
One of Coupe’s friends realised her 6am yoga class was actually a private ritual. The mindset shift enhances our appreciation of such activities, Coupe says: “You’re viewing it from a place of growth and intention, instead of monotony and obligation.”
Make the most of transitions
Rituals can help mark transitions, such as the end of the working day. For those working from home, that might mean closing your laptop, clearing your desk or shutting the door to your workspace, if you have one, Coupe suggests.
Listening to upbeat music on your commute or changing out of work clothes can also signal that it’s time to switch off.
A few nights a week, Coupe takes a bath as part of her wind-down ritual, reading a book in the tub before bed. She also recommends spending 15 minutes on Sundays planning for the week ahead, noting potential stressors and ways to ease them where possible.
For Coupe, embracing rituals was key to easing the daily grind and centering meaning and connection. If you create moments that feel special, that can help you to see life differently, she says.
I’ve been surprised by how easy and effective it’s been to introduce new rituals. Things I once avoided, like chores or taking breaks, became more appealing when I focused on what they meant and reframed them as a deliberate choice.
It’s inspired me to look for more opportunities to create rituals, especially those that connect me with others. Rituals aren’t just for Christmas. In fact, at the end of my festive lunch, we agreed to do it again sooner.
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I Can Fit That In: How Rituals Transform Your Life by Erin Coupe is out now
