‘More complicated than it needs to be’: how to start hosting parties

Several months ago, staring down another empty weekend, a friend texted me. “Why is no one having parties?” she fumed.

Some people were, we agreed, but not nearly enough. Indeed, in January, the Atlantic’s Ellen Cushing declared that “America is in a party deficit”, quoting a 2023 Bureau of Labor Statistics report that found only 4.1% of Americans attended or hosted a social event on an average holiday weekend. That figure was down a whopping 35% since 2004.

Maybe the pandemic is to blame. Or the loneliness epidemic. Or smartphones. I conducted an informal survey (texting my friends) and at least one thing was clear: hosting can be intimidating. Some said it was too much work or too expensive. Others were worried no one would show up.

“Hosting has become more complicated than it needs to be,” says Marina Birch, principal event architect at Birch Design Studio. The extravagant, artfully decorated events you see on Instagram look great, but a party doesn’t have to be so elaborate, aesthetic or expensive.

“Hosting is really just about gathering people and making them feel comfortable,” Birch says. “When the focus shifts to how it looks instead of how it feels, it can feel overwhelming.”

Below, experts share what you need to know to start hosting parties.

Which elements should you consider?

Begin with the scale of your party and the guest list. Is this an intimate dinner for your closest friends? Or a larger, rowdier gathering for a bigger group?

Start with whatever makes you feel the most at ease, says Rachael Glaws, principal and creative director of RGI Events.

“If it is your first foray into hosting a party, do it in a location where you’re going to feel comfortable, and with people you’re going to feel comfortable in front of,” she says.

Once that’s settled, move on to logistics. Renee Patrone Rhinehart, CEO and founder of Events by Renee and Party Host Helpers, says essential details include:

• Timing: Daytime or night-time? How long will it last?

• Menu: Will there be food? If so, does that mean a sit-down dinner, only appetizers or a buffet? Will you have caterers? “Less is more when it comes to food,” Rhinehart says. “Keeping the menu simple yet delicious goes a long way.”

• Bar: If serving alcohol, which kinds? Which non-alcoholic beverages will you have available? Don’t skimp on ice, says Rhinehart: “You can never have enough!”

• Kids: Are they invited, or is it an adults-only affair?

How do you host a party inexpensively?

“Hosting well doesn’t have to mean spending a lot,” says Birch. She suggests focusing on a few things done thoughtfully. “Simple food that you love, candlelight, good music and a welcoming atmosphere can carry an entire evening,” she says.

Good lighting is an affordable, often overlooked detail, Glaws agrees. Candlelight makes everyone look their best, she says: “They can totally transform a quick cocktail hour and make it feel polished, sophisticated, sexy and chic.”

Limiting the bar is another easy way to save money. “If you’re trying to watch dollars, offer just beer and wine rather than liquor,” Glaws says. She usually offers two types of white wine and two types of red wine, so guests have options.

What if you’re scared no one will show up?

Give guests plenty of notice. Rhinehart suggests sending out invitations six weeks in advance, and sending periodic reminders.

How you write your invitation also matters, says Birch. “When an invitation feels warm and intentional, guests sense that they’re truly wanted,” she says. “Be clear, be confident and invite people into a feeling rather than an event.”

If it seems like a lot of people are bailing, expand your pool of guests, Rhinehart says: “Keep a B-list so if a lot of people cannot make it, you can extend your invitations to others.”

How do you make a party fun?

Don’t try to do too much, says Glaws: “We’re not all Martha Stewart.” If you prefer decorating to cooking, for example, focus your energy on tablescaping and pick up prepared dishes to serve.

“If you try to do everything, you’re going to end up with a burnt turkey, flowers that don’t make it to the table and something on fire in the kitchen, and you won’t have any fun,” she says.

Making sure you have fun goes a long way to making sure your guests have fun. “Guests relax when the host does,” says Birch.

Finally, while it’s good to have a plan of attack, don’t make an event too rigid, says Glaws. “Guests appreciate having time to arrive, settle in and connect naturally,” she says. “Letting things unfold a bit on their own often creates a more relaxed and enjoyable evening.”