4 hours ago
2
Name: Kids’ slang.
Age: Far too young for you.
Appearance: Genuinely impenetrable.
And a hearty cowabunga to you too. I’m sorry old timer, but things have moved on. Children these days speak in slang so unintelligible that you would barely recognise it as words.
Don’t have a cow, man! Please stop embarrassing yourself like this.
Sorry. You were saying? The Oxford University Press has revealed the top three kids’ slang words of the year. They are slay, sigma and skibidi.
I know slay. Everyone knows slay. In terms of youth slang, slay is positively geriatric. You’ll meet 40-year-olds who say “slay” whenever they see something particularly impressive. And then you will see several dozen 12-year-olds wither up and die with embarrassment because an old person has just done something cringe.
Cringe. Is that another piece of youth slang? It was 30 years ago, you fossil.
This is really starting to hurt. OK, I’ll go easy on you. What does sigma mean?
Finally, the Greek alphabet! My specialty! I’ll stop you right there. It means good.
Does it? Sort of. Specifically, it’s a quality a person has. If they are a strong and self-reliant lone wolf – but a cool lone wolf, whom lots of people like – then they are sigma.
So, like an alpha male. No, because an alpha male requires a team. A sigma follows their own rules. Also, if you see something good you can say it’s sigma (but you might be being sarcastic. It’s complicated).
Right … And this is a new thing kids are saying? If by new you mean it’s been used for a good few years now, then sure.
What about skibidi? Well, that’s all the time we have here today. Same time tomorrow?
Don’t be evasive. What is skibidi? Nobody knows.
What? Nobody knows. It’s a sort of meaningless noise that kids started to make about a year ago after watching a YouTube video of an army of sentient toilets fighting some cameras.
Have you taken a blow to the head? That’s the only explanation. Someone made a video about a toilet with a man’s head sticking out of it, and now there is an army of toilet men, and sometimes the toilets fight cameras. That’s why nine-year-olds fill every moment of silence by yelping the word skibidi.
I still don’t understand. Please can you use skibidi in a sentence? OK, how about this: “Wow, that’s very skibidi.”
That doesn’t help at all! I know! Believe me, I’ve asked people. I’ve asked so many people. Some say skibidi means good. Sometimes, they say it means bad. Sometimes, they say it means weird. It’s a word without meaning that exists to make everyone over the age of 25 feel ancient and useless. And, quite frankly, it’s working.
Do say: “Slang is so skibidi these days.”
Don’t say: Any of these words if you were born before 2010.
