You be the judge: Should my partner stop obsessively cutting costs when we travel?

1 day ago 4

The prosecution: Persephone

Nice accommodation is a big part of a trip, and by cutting corners Cara actually costs us money

My girlfriend Cara and I have been together seven years, but we have only travelled together a handful of times as we are both homebodies. But earlier this year, we went on holiday to Greece to visit my family, and it quickly became clear that we aren’t travel-compatible.

Cara tries to cut corners, but it can end up costing us money. First, she didn’t want to pay for hold luggage. We were going away for 12 days and she insisted on squeezing everything into her backpack. She squished all her clothes into these silly packing cubes and I thought: this is insanity. Some of it didn’t fit, so she made me pack it in my suitcase. And when we got to the airport, she was asked to pay extra as her backpack didn’t fit in the holder by the check-in desk. It was really embarrassing.

We are going away again next month, to Barcelona, and Cara has mentioned that she wants us to budget-pack again. I’d rather bring a bigger suitcase and just pay the extra. Last time, because she got charged we lost money that could have gone towards a meal out.

If I had my way, I would just share one big case, but Cara is a bit of a control-freak and she likes her stuff to be separate. She is a tidy packer, whereas I am a bit more relaxed and just throw everything in, which she says stresses her out.

Cara also prefers to stay at the cheapest places so we can save money for eating out and activities. In Greece we stayed with my family for one week, but we disagreed on which hotel to book for the rest of the trip. Cara wanted to stay in a tiny attic room and go to five star restaurants in the evening, but I wanted to splurge on a nice hotel after being with family.

She said comfortable accommodation was unnecessarily flash. In the end I paid most of the hotel bill – I just wanted to relax. But when we go to Barcelona, I think Cara should plan ahead so we aren’t at loggerheads over packing and priorities.

We don’t live together as we like our own space, so our finances are separate. But when we travel we both need to compromise.

The defence: Cara

I’m a budget babe and a foodie. I want to eat at nice places, not waste money on luggage fees and hotels

Persephone earns a bit more than me, so of course we have different travel styles. I love travelling with her but she is quite flash, whereas I’m a budget babe.

When we went to Greece, she wanted to splash out on a really fancy hotel after staying with her family. I wasn’t against that of course, but I just couldn’t afford it. Luckily she paid, but I feel it’s being held against me now as we plan our Barcelona trip.

I’m a food stylist and eating out is my passion. I want to eat at nice places as food is how you get to know a culture. I haven’t been to Spain before, so I have a list of places I want to try. But to prioritise nice food, I need to scrimp on accommodation. That makes perfect sense to me as I’m only there to sleep. The rest of the time I want to be out exploring and eating. Persephone isn’t a foodie, and disagrees.

I also like to keep my packing light to save on ridiculous luggage fees. Because I got fined for having too heavy a backpack last trip, I am now being condemned as an irresponsible traveller. But that was the first time that happened. I paid the extra baggage fee myself, and have since bought holiday scales.

I don’t want to share Persephone’s suitcase because she doesn’t pack properly and I find that stressful. I may put all my stuff in one backpack, but it is very well organised. Persephone’s packing style is hectic and she doesn’t have a separate laundry bag for her unclean clothes, she just throws them all in together. I don’t want dirty laundry touching my stuff, thanks very much.

I don’t love budget travel but it’s a means to an end, and when you’re with someone who has more money you both have to compromise.

Ultimately we prioritise different things when we are abroad. If she doesn’t want to end up paying for everything, Persephone needs to meet me in the middle with our accommodation options for Barcelona. She’s very generous but I’d prefer to split the cost of somewhere we both like.

The jury of Guardian readers

Should Cara splash more cash?

If Cara wants to go hand luggage-only, that’s fine, but she needs to pack within her means and not cram her extras into Persephone’s luggage. More importantly, I think the couple need to find a better balance when travelling together – something that works for both of their comfort and budget levels.
Shayane, 30

Not guilty, but only just. How and what Cara packs is her own business – there is no reason for them both to do it the same way or share a case. On food and accommodation, they could both compromise and pay for what matters most to them: Persephone pays for the room, Cara pays for meals.
Peter, 60

Neither party is hugely in the wrong here (except the lack of laundry bag!). Surely the way to compromise is for Persephone to pay for baggage fees and the accommodation, and Cara to pay for the food.
Alex, 37

Cara ought to let herself be spoiled. Persephone clearly recognises that she is better off and does pay where helpful, and Cara is willing to foot the bill when she makes a mistake, too. Persephone even seems open to paying for baggage if they share a huge suitcase.
Mawgan, 21

Persephone should be a bit more generous and pay for everything. If you’re in a couple it’s good to be relaxed about money and err on the side of generosity. It all comes out in the wash anyway.
Anna, 45