1 month ago
24
Name: Public sex.
Age: Let’s assume ancient.
Appearance: Lots of cars rocking, so don’t bother knocking.
No, I don’t think so. Not in Britain. But crucially this country is now a nightmare version of Britain where nobody can afford their own home.
What has that got to do with anything? Let me set the scene. You spy a dishy stranger across a bar. The attraction is instant. The urges are strong. What do you do?
I assume that I’m being honeytrapped by a government organisation, because that would never happen to me. No, you take them back to yours. Or you would, except that you’re gen Z, and as such you still live with your parents.
Ah yes, nothing kills ardour like trying to sneak upstairs to a single bed in your childhood bedroom while your parents watch Newsnight. Right. So you probably just have it off in the toilets or whatever.
Really? Apparently so. According to a survey of 2,000 adults by the retailer Lovehoney, 40% of those aged 18-24 were living with their parents, and two-fifths of them claim that their living arrangement is harming their sex lives. Twenty-two per cent of those surveyed said they had sex in public bathrooms, with 18% saying they have had sex in cars.
Well, I’ll know to avoid my local public toilets and any parked cars now. Calm down. The other result of some gen Zs still living at home is that many have less sex altogether.
Really? According to the survey they average just 35 times a year, compared with the national average of 68.
But this is when they should be having the most sex! Traditionally, yes, but the state of the housing market means that they are gradually becoming more and more celibate.
I guess there’s always … self-love. Well, maybe – but 56% of respondents said they had had to stop masturbating or having sex because they had been interrupted.
This is a tragedy. But hey, let’s not just blame the sexless youth on lack of housing. They have also grown up in a world where screen time has largely replaced face-to-face socialising, so the opportunities are reduced.
Being young doesn’t sound fun. Exactly, so who can blame them for having all their formative sexual experiences surrounded by either toilet paper or petrol receipts?
Speaking of which, have you seen the price of petrol lately? You’re right. Owning a car is pretty much unaffordable too. The jury’s out on what percentage of gen Z likes to bonk behind a Lime bike.
Do say: “Britain is becoming a nation of DOGGERS.”
Don’t say: “Which stands for Domestic Occupancy Guarantees General Erotic Reduction.”
