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Are you bone-deep exhausted and struggling to cope? Do you have “insomnia, headaches, irritability, emotional flatness and a sense of being permanently on?” I mean, obviously you do, you’re a person existing in 2026, but you may also have a “competence hangover”. That’s what Grazia says some women in the workplace are experiencing. They are depleted by accepting additional responsibilities, over delivering, taking on emotional labour, supplying the Colin the Caterpillar birthday cake, and generally being the person to whom everyone complacently says: “What would we do without you?!”
It’s a familiar story in the domestic sphere, where women shoulder disproportionate responsibilities plus a bonus mental load. At work, as multiple surveys and reports have indicated in recent years, they are more likely to burn out (the “competence hangover” sounds like burnout lite). In large part this is due to difficulties reconciling the domestic burden and professional obligations. Other factors also amp up the pressure to over perform professionally: women’s extra hours are rewarded less than men’s, according to a 2024 study; presenteeism means women who work more efficiently (completing their work in fewer hours) are judged negatively for it; and they lack the “status shield” men enjoy, meaning they’re more likely to bear the brunt of negative emotions and perceptions. No wonder McKinsey’s 2025 Women in the Workplace report suggested for the first time that “women are less interested in being promoted than men”.
But while women in particular are suffering from competence hangovers, I think the seduction (and trap) of competence can be universal – because competence is wonderful. Discussing how we fell for our partners with friends recently, I explained that my now-husband swiftly and efficiently acquired, then installed, a telly for me in my sad studio flat, fashioning an aerial from a fork. A’s partner had rigged up a complex, brilliant stereo system for her flat, and H’s now-husband produced an extravagant vodka ice luge for her house party. It’s delightful and relaxing to feel secure in the knowledge that a competent person has your back.
Competence is also a hard habit to break. I don’t speak from experience – I like to think of myself as the “personality hire” half of my relationship, and my professional hangovers are inevitably the product of incompetence (waking up horrified to remember some mistake the previous day). But competence and conscientiousness go hand in hand, so effective people of all genders in the workplace often end up overburdened, and being a safe pair of hands becomes exhaustingly habitual, which is a real problem.
It can stem from rational fears (no one wants to lose their job in this economy, and women face the extra obstacles I’ve described) or a deeper desire to over deliver, please and be perfect. The psychologist Dr Audrey Tang, who contributed to the Grazia article, describes the psychologically unhelpful sensation of being “soothed” by busyness; and in a new French book, Ciao les nazes, (Ciao, losers) on the worst of workplace culture, the writer Séverine Bavon, a former 120%-giving super employee, describes how a voice in her head perpetually pushed her to take on more (she eventually quit, hence the book title).
We need to protect the heroically competent from crashing out – what would we do without them? – so we have to find ways to head off those hangovers: the workplace equivalent of a full-fat Coke, a packet of Hula Hoops and an afternoon of Netflix. Tang suggests these people need a mindset shift – “unlearning the belief that your value is tied to what you produce and how you solve things” – which makes sense, but it’s also, on some level, more work for them.
So perhaps my kind, the incompetent slackers, could help out? For instance, I could teach not offering to take notes. It’s something I’ve been framing as “feminist” for years – women always do the notetaking! – but it’s actually simple laziness and only requires learning how to sit through an awkward silence. Or I could explain to the overly competent how to look pathetically panicky and beg for assistance with a project (or just setting the photocopier to A3): “You’re so brilliant at it! I’ll just mess it up!” Really, though, the best thing we can do for the overstretched and on-the-edge is to step up.
