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This year marked a decade since the term “ghosting” hit the mainstream. At the time, the idea that someone could abruptly cease communication with a lover without explanation seemed like the peak of indignity. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, finding a partner has only become more confounding – an oftentimes fruitless exercise in humiliation that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media jargon.
Gen Z, a cohort who came of age during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a coordinated attack on the rights of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier landscape than their millennial predecessors could ever imagine. And so their dating glossary has grown longer and more deranged, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” testing the limits of your sanity.
What follows is a comprehensive guide to the terms gen Z is using to talk about romance, sex and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most enduring memes, by the end of this glossary you’ll yearn to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.
A
Authenticity – According to gen Z, dating’s gold standard is showing up as your true, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!
B
Bird theory – A TikTok trend loosely based on a test developed by couples researchers Julie and John Gottman, in which you point out something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your partner’s response is inquisitive or dismissive. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.
Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s response to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while oozing mystery and independence. (She might still have baby bangs.)
C
Chair theory – This means going for someone who supports you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a chair for you to sit down.
Choremance – A date where two people bond while running errands, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke twentysomethings do affordable dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.
Crashing out – Melting down when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can crash out over a crush or breakup, spilling all of your (unrequited) feelings.
D
Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 80s yuppie excess, it describes couples who forgo parenthood to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.
E
Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of playing it cool: practicing communication, honesty and openness.
F
Flags
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Red flags – Behavioral quirks indicating a potential partner is bad news. Examples include calling their exes crazy, subpar tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
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Green flags – These quirks validate your decision to pursue a mate. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low screen time, owning a bed frame …
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Beige flags – These usually describe niche, mostly benign quirks. Examples include being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their purse, paying rent in cash …
Freak matching – When you find someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who hates the same things or people that you do (nothing builds intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).
G
Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend likes.
Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of ghosting.
Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and loyal. The rare boyfriend who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend’s foil.
Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, purposefully delaying orgasm so they can continue as long as possible. (If you are of an unshakably stable mental state and want to know more, this Harper’s magazine feature is recommended reading.)
H
Heterofatalism – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.
High-value woman – An archetype touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own aside from pleasing her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?
I
Icks – Random and often mundane turnoffs that immediately shut down any feelings of desire.
“If he wanted to, he would” – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an incredibly romantic gesture.
J
Jobs – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in fields they perceive as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.
K
Kissing – This year, scientists learned that kissing has existed for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be numbered since some gen Z want fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy realistic.
Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as putting your best foot forward.
L
Loud looking – The act of being very vocal about what you want on a dating app profile, such as marriage material, hookups only, ethical non-monogamy ….
M
Microcheating – It’s not cheating, but it’s not not cheating either. Maybe you’re secretly texting someone else without your partner knowing, or meeting with an ex for coffee on the sly.
Misandrist – Men have long (and erroneously) defined feminism as man-hating. Well, the young women of TikTok have taken them up on the offer: they’re increasingly identifying as misandrists, or people who hate men, on the app.
Monkey branching – A subgenre of microcheating, this means having someone ready in the wings to swing on over to, making a breakup easier. A rebound you tee up before things are officially over.
N
No fap – Abstaining from masturbation. This could be due to religious or political reasons, or because PornHub is now inaccessible in 23 US states due to age verification laws.
O
Orange peel theory – Another viral pop-therapy “test” to see if your partner is willing to do small things for you. Ask them to bring you an orange; if they peel it before handing it to you, it means they care. Hope they washed their hands first!
Orbiting – When a partner ceases communication, à la ghosting, but stays around like a phantom by keeping tabs on your digital footprint. As in, they’ll suddenly like an Instagram post after years of no contact, retraumatizing you all over again.
P
Phubbing – This one sounds freakier than it actually is: ignoring your companion to stare at your phone. Do this less in 2026.
Polyamory – A relationship style where people consensually date multiple people at the same time. A group of poly people who are linked is called a polycule. Typical gen Z polyamorous behavior includes talking about polyamory incessantly – especially about how elevated and mature it is – while simultaneously instigating the messiest breakups on earth.
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Polyphobic – Describes people, often formerly polyamorous themselves, who want nothing to do with polyamory.
Q
Question deficit – Asking all the questions on a first date, but not getting any asked of you.
Quiet quitting – Checking out of a relationship in hopes that your partner will be the one to officially break it off.
R
Relationship anarchy – An non-monogamous ethos that prioritizes autonomy in relationships, with no hierarchy between partners. Strives to undo the rigidness of heteronormative love.
Roommate syndrome – When moving in with a partner ruins the magic, so you end up as nothing more than cohabiters.
S
Shrekking – Dating a person you find less attractive in hopes that said ogre will be more loyal to you. (Spoiler: they will cheat more than you ever dreamed possible.)
T
Throning – Dating a cool person for clout.
“Touch of the ‘tism” – A phrase used (half-seriously) by men on TikTok and dating apps to describe their ideal woman: someone they believe exhibits traits associated with being on the autistsm spectrum, such as having a special interest or a charming social awkwardness.
Turbo dating – Deciding if it’s serious by the third date.
U
U-hauling – An old-school term, adopted by gen Z, meaning the tendency to move quickly – and move in quickly – in lesbian relationships.
Uncoupling – Breaking up. It’s just breaking up.
V
Virginity – Not a big deal to young folks who are deciding when (and how) to have sex on their own timelines, oftentimes later than older generations.
W
Wildflowering – Taking it slow, trying new things, allowing yourself to date without rules, sort of like a wildflower. A label to describe people who don’t like labels.
Wokefishing – Coming off as more liberal or progressive-aligning on dating apps, even when you really skew conservative. (See: the countless stories of liberal women who did not know their partner voted for Donald Trump until a few months into the relationship.)
“Written by a woman” – A male partner who acts as if they were plucked from the pages of a romance novel: sending flowers, making breakfast, being gentle and strong and loyal, and otherwise doing the types of things Emily Henry might write about. A meditation on the “female gaze” that de-centers male desire.
X
X-ing people on dating apps – Another way to say swiping left, which we did more of this year due to dating app fatigue.
Y
Yap trapping – When you’re stuck on a date with someone who only talks about themselves.
Yearners – People who proudly flaunt their desires, however embarrassing, and wear their hearts on their sleeves, no matter who’s watching.
Z
Zip coding – Keeping a tight radius on your dating app location preferences – for example, New Yorkers who won’t leave a borough for a lover, or suburbanites who refuse to travel into the city on a date
