It soothes my bitter heart to know that no matter how much money Elon Musk has, he will never, ever be funny | Rebecca Shaw

As I’ve written before, the world is being burnt down around us by some of the biggest losers in history. It is painful to watch. In difficult times like these, it is important to try to find silver linings.

For me, the brightest of these linings shines from Elon Musk, who is one of the worst contributors to today’s “world vibe”. He has an unbelievable amount of money, and therefore power. He has the president’s bandaged ear. He bought Twitter, made it horrible, and now spends a concerning amount of time on there, like a guy who brought alcohol for the party so you have to let him hang out.

It’s annoying for such a derpy dweeb (scientific name) to have this much power but there is one thing that soothes my bitter heart. It’s that I know for a fact that Musk will never feel truly satisfied. Because no matter how much money he has, how many people he buys to do what he wants, how many bootlickers he keeps around – he will never, ever be funny.

What Musk really wants his billions can’t buy: being able to get a true laugh. Here is a clip I saw of him trying to tell a joke on Joe Rogan’s show.

Watching it gave me the same feeling as watching a visceral horror film, or a cringe comedy that makes you want to depart from your own skin. If you can’t watch the clip (and I wouldn’t blame you), the setup is about two economists. One pays the other $100 to eat a pile of shit, then the other one pays the first one $100 to eat another pile of shit.

Then they said, look, wait a second. We both just ate a pile of shit and we don’t have any more extra money. We both just gave the $100 back to me and we both ate a pile of shit. This doesn’t make any sense. And they said, no, no, but think of the economy, because that’s $200 in the economy, basically, eating shit would count as a job.

I am generally against comparing a joke spoken out loud with a joke written down, because so much is in the delivery. In this case, it’s doing him a favour. Those words come from the mouth of a man who can’t even say the word “shit” – coughing and stumbling over it like a child who knows it’s naughty – on his way to ruining the punchline because he can’t remember it. Whoever came up with this joke (because you know it was not Musk) should sue for butchery. He chuckles the entire time, to mostly complete silence, until at some point Rogan forces out a laugh, like a custom-made sycophant doll who pushes out air if you squeeze him hard enough.

This is emblematic of Musk’s comedic stylings. He wants to be charming and engaging but he is simply incapable of it. Even when he stands next to Donald Trump he comes off as a black hole of charm.

The people who willingly listen to Musk telling a story all have ulterior motives. If you took away his money, we all know (including Musk himself) that most people would run from him so fast they’d leave human-shaped holes in the walls.

Musk isn’t self-aware enough to become funny, he isn’t self-aware enough to put his ego away and figure out how to endear himself to us – but he is self-aware enough to know that nobody is genuinely laughing at his jokes.

There are many different ways to be funny and fun to be around. Musk has dodged every one. It’s not just that he is one of the worst joke deliverers to have ever existed – maybe he’ll find someone worse in space! It’s not awkwardness; some of the funniest and most charming people I know are awkward. Nathan Fielder is one of our best comedians.

Musk is not (just) awkward – he seems empty. Being funny generally requires being engaged in the world. It requires thinking about others, what they will relate to. It requires having empathy, being open and expanding your point of view. Joyce Carol Oates just eviscerated him on this score on X.

He reacted predictably, calling Oates mean and wrong, and then going to comment “great movie” on several tweets about films. He felt insecure about what she said because he knows it’s true. He has no curiosity about the world outside himself – yet he is still desperate for validation.

Of course, even if you are funny, not everyone will find you so. But for Musk, it’s literally nobody. He might build himself a computer wife or an AI robot who is almost indistinguishable from a real person, and set her to SITCOM LAUGH TRACK mode, but deep down he will know it’s not real. To save face, to try to brush it off – he doubles down. He will post rolling laughing emojis and pretend he doesn’t care what people think.

But I think he cares more than most people on Earth (and also in space, if he goes into space). He has access to everything he wants, he can buy the internet and the president. But, no matter how powerful he gets, he can never have this. That’s the silver lining for me. He can’t deliver the punchline because he is the joke.