3 weeks ago
17
Some things you know without being told. Kids reached peak summer holiday boredom last week – on 12 August to be precise – according to a survey. If you’re a parent you may have laughed hollowly there, in the unlikely event you still have enough energy.
Exhausted and bankrupt after standing in endless queues for more wholesome activities, we’ve started Cinema Club, which is totally different from just watching a film on the sofa, in ways I’ll explain, er, later. I was excited to share a particular childhood favourite of mine with my son, who turned 11 a fortnight ago, although this can be a risky business (ooh, is he too young to watch Risky Business?).
Showing your offspring movies you remember fondly but haven’t seen in decades is often disappointing. Sometimes, they are so slow to get going that everyone loses interest, and many have aged astonishingly badly and are now problematic, to put it lightly. Luckily, the 1988 body-swap comedy Big was a hit straight away – fast paced, funny and poignant. The giant piano dance routine completely holds up. The only issue? A sex scene I’d forgotten. The protagonist has an adult form but is really 13 years old, and that wasn’t even why it was awful.
I recall the excruciating experience of enduring these kind of TV moments with my mum and dad all too well. How two onscreen minutes could feel as if they lasted roughly nine millennia. Cheeks burning, buttocks clenched, dying inside. I’d never considered if it was as embarrassing for them as for me, which I now presume it must have been because boy-oh-boy did that part of Big go on for ever. Oddly, it felt exactly the same as it did back then, despite being on the other side, the grownup.
Being a parent is different now; 40 is the new 30, so we feel younger than our parents did at this age. The only involvement my parents had in the music I was listening to was yelling, “Turn it down!” up the stairs. However, my son and I share a love of the pop star Lola Young. I’m not sure if that’s OK, for a few reasons. There are clean mixes of her songs, but you have to ask Spotify, or whatever you’re using, for them specifically, or you’re treated to lyrics that make you long for the comparatively tame lovemaking of Tom Hanks.
But worse than the awkward conversations some of the spicy versions have provoked is the uncomfortable feeling all is not right with the world. The title of Young’s second album, released last year, is a bit too on the nose: This Wasn’t Meant For You Anyway. Maybe she has a point. I’m not sure if my kid and I are allowed to like the same things, if I should be disapproving rather than singing along. Have the times a-changed or am I doing parenthood wrong?
The traditional role of the parent here is to be terminally uncool and not get it. To suspect that the Beatles are bad influences because of their hairstyles, to get outraged over Madonna’s antics. Not to be vogueing around the kitchen in a conical bra, like the ‘I’m not a regular mom, I’m a cool mom’ from Mean Girls.
It isn’t just Young, I am also a huge fan of YouTuber Ryan Trahan. My kid and I learned the viral Charli xcx Apple dance together (not to post on social media, I hasten to add). My husband is a dab hand at Mario Kart on the Nintendo Switch and they race regularly.
These are not pastimes we grin and bear, like watching Frozen again, or the lengthy train obsession that meant we spent most weekends standing on cold platforms, waving our blue hands at drivers as they passed by. This is all of us genuinely enjoying what we’re doing, nobody faking it or making any kind of sacrifice.
It goes the other way too – our boy’s first proper late nights were due to the wait for the next episode of The Traitors being unbearable. He accidentally overheard a podcast I love, Dax Shepard’s Armchair Expert, and now listens every week with me on purpose. And recently he joined us down a Sean Hayes wormhole that culminated in a Will & Grace marathon in which he demonstrated admirable stamina.
Maybe the secret is not to question it. Perhaps this is actually the sweet spot. The teenage years are fast approaching, in about five minutes, us thinking that anything is good will probably be the kiss of death. I can only pray, when that dark day comes, I get custody of Lola Young.
