3 hours ago
5
Alexandra, 57
I love how committed and loyal Laurent is. For him, I’m at the top of the pyramid
When you meet someone at 55, you come with baggage. Yesterday we had a big fight – but after sex in the shower the tension between us softened.
I remember the feeling of Laurent’s blue eyes on me the night we met. He says he knew immediately. I had recently reconnected with an old boyfriend but he was married and kept me in the shadows. But with Laurent there was a sense that this might actually be something real.
I come from a traditional, Mexican Catholic family. Growing up, the expectation was to stay a virgin, then marry young and have lots of children, which I found suffocating. After divorcing my first husband, I moved to Europe, where I felt free to be myself and explore sexually for the first time.
My second husband was the love of my life. When he died nine years ago, the idea of finding love again was intimidating. He made me laugh all the time and we could communicate with just a glance. Because we don’t share the same first language, Laurent and I sometimes misunderstand each other, or our humour doesn’t quite land. But the sex is better than with my husband, which, although loving, wasn’t as adventurous as with Laurent.
We had sex on the second date, which wasn’t like me. On our third date, Laurent stopped our quad bike in the middle of nowhere and suggested we have sex on the side of the mountain. I surprised myself by saying yes; Laurent gives me the confidence to do things I’ve never done before. I felt so alive.
Menopause coincided with meeting Laurent, but so far I haven’t experienced the decreased desire my friends talk about. Maybe Laurent is the antidote. Even my gynaecologist joked: it’s because you have a new boyfriend!
I love how committed and loyal Laurent is. For him, I’m at the top of the pyramid – but I see my life as a cake divided into slices: friends, family, work, Laurent. I don’t know if we’ll be together for ever, but it feels wonderful to have met someone in my 50s who brings out this bolder side of myself I never knew existed.
Laurent, 58
With Alexandra, the sex is chemical, and a way for us to connect
When I met Alexandra, I just knew. That certainty has only happened twice in my life: with the mother of my daughter, who I was with for 21 years, and with Alexandra.
When she told me on our first date that she had a boyfriend, I felt confused but not defeated. Three days later when she flew to Mexico to see him, I sent gentle messages asking how she was. When she told me she’d ended things, I hoped we would be together.
I’d been single for 10 years by then, and had lots of casual sex in that time. But relationships that lasted months, weeks or often only a night didn’t satisfy me any more. Without emotional connection, sex felt empty. With Alexandra, the sex is chemical, and a way for us to connect.
Despite having lots of casual relationships, I can lack confidence and struggle to make the first move. So early on, I said to Alexandra that she would have to let me know if she was interested. When she kissed me, it opened a door that I could walk through. I probably initiate more now, but I still find it difficult to know when Alexandra needs affection.
Starting a new relationship in our 50s means we’re both set in our ways. We’re strong characters and there are power struggles. But there’s also more exploration, curiosity and freedom, and better communication. I find it easier to open up to Alexandra each day.
When you meet Alexandra, you just want to know her. I like everything about her, even her generosity, although sometimes I get frustrated when I feel she’s being taken advantage of. I want to protect her, to take care of her. I’m learning that we can’t change each other, but we can learn to make sacrifices, to adapt, to accept the other person as they are. Alexandra has shown me how to enjoy life, and the 30% I have left, I want to share with her.
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