You be the judge: my mum says our family should share towels, but I think it’s gross. Am I right to protest?

9 hours ago 4

The prosecution: Ava

I have firm boundaries around personal hygiene – and bacteria thrive on wet towels

Towels should be for personal use only, but my mum thinks they should be shared in our household of four. That might have been OK when I was a baby, but now I’m 21 I think it’s weird.

Mum has this thing about washing and the environment. She has been trying to wash clothes less, and uses these washing bags that capture microplastic fibres to prevent them from going out into the water supply. I support this, but not at the expense of my personal hygiene.

She wants our family to only use one or two towels a week, which means the four of us sharing them – my younger brother, Lewis, who is five, my parents and me. I think this is totally gross. Mum says “towels dry, it’s fine” but that’s not true. Bacteria thrives on towels and the idea that a towel is clean just because it has dried misses a crucial point: moisture breeds bacteria, especially in damp, warm environments like bathrooms.

I don’t want everyone else’s germs on my body. A towel that’s been used even once can carry a lot of bacteria. Lewis is a messy child. Sharing a towel with him will increase my risk of fungal infections, as he towels after his swimming club. The idea of using his towel is disgusting to me.

Like most young women, I have firm boundaries around hygiene. Growing up, I didn’t think much about my mum making us share towels, but I began to notice it when I got older. At 16 I said I didn’t want to do it any more and started using a fresh towel every time I showered – and got told off for it.

I then compromised and started using the same towel for a week, thinking it was just for me. But what I didn’t know was that Mum was using the same towel to dry herself and Lewis. When I found out, I freaked out. Now I’ve started hiding my towel in my room so no one else uses it.

Mum thinks I’m being a diva, but everyone having their own towel isn’t an indulgence – it keeps us all clean. Using someone else’s dirty towel, even if they are family, is gross.

The defence: Lynsey

I always shared towels with my family growing up – older generations don’t worry about this stuff

From a mother’s perspective, insisting everyone use a different towel every single day is wasteful. It means more laundry, more water, more electricity, and more mental load. When you’re juggling work, meals, school runs and everything else, having the kids share a clean, dry towel is a simple way to reduce the chaos.

It’s not unhygienic if the towel is used on clean, just-showered bodies and hung up to dry between uses. Ava wanted a new towel after every single shower and I told her that was contributing to the destruction of the planet, and not good for my mental health. She said she would wash her own towels but I have yet to see that happen. She always just adds her laundry to my pile and then hopes I won’t notice.

Ava’s obsession with personal space is relatively new. She has become more demanding since returning home from university a month ago. I think she’s ready to move out. She’s taken to hiding her towel, but I just think we should share them. If one starts to smell or look questionable I’d wash it sooner, but if it’s dry and clean, it’s fine. I do a regular weekly wash of the towels.

I always shared towels with my family growing up. Older generations didn’t think about this stuff – we didn’t have time. There was often only one or two towels to go round, and nobody keeled over from it. My husband and I were sharing towels with Lewis and Ava until she was old enough to start protesting. Teaching kids to share and not get precious over tiny things builds resilience and cooperation. It instills the idea that comfort doesn’t always have to come with individual ownership.

Ava isn’t a germaphobe with other things, like sharing my headphones or cleaning up after herself, so I find it funny she has become so obsessive about sharing towels. She needs to remember there’s a difference between good hygiene and becoming germ-obsessed over things that pose little risk.

The jury of Guardian readers

Should Lynsey give Ava her own towel?

skip past newsletter promotion

Ava has already said she’ll use one towel for the whole week so that lessens the laundry load a lot. The guilt‑tripping about the planet and mental health seems a bit excessive over this one item.
Sofia, 32

It’s completely reasonable to ask for a towel for sole use. I understand washing can get overwhelming, but an additional towel for the sake of Ava feeling comfortable and clean is really not a problem.
Sam, 30

It’s perfectly reasonable for Ava to draw the line at towel-sharing. After all, they don’t just dry you off, they double as exfoliators for dead skin – hardly something you’d want to inherit from anyone, even family. Lynsey should respect that boundary, and, in return, Ava could help with the washing.
Matthew, 50

I am absolutely with Ava on this one. You dry intimate areas with a towel, the last thing I would want to do is share it with anyone else – even family. I sympathise with Lynsey’s environmental concerns, but surely Ava can have one towel a week for her own personal use.
Anna, 45

I am an acknowledged towel thief in my family. I think it’s fine to save the environment and the water bill by sharing towels – you’re already clean when you use one, after all. Anyway, a few shared germs will keep your immune system on its toes.
Kitty, 33