You be the judge: should my boyfriend leave home comforts behind when we travel abroad?

3 hours ago 4

The prosecution: Jenna

Dave needs to embrace new experiences, instead of always clinging on to what he knows

My partner, Dave, and I usually live in London, but we’ve started to spend six months of the year in Barcelona over the winter. I like the freedom it gives us, but we have different approaches when it comes to keeping home comforts when we’re abroad.

I believe Dave needs to acclimatise more to Barcelona in order to get the most out of it. When we got to our apartment this year, the furniture was a bit tired. So Dave decided to fix that by buying a load of blankets. He draped them over everything. Dave said he was covering up the worn-out furniture, but the flat now looks less like a Barcelona flat and more like a British student bedsit. He thinks I am just being pedantic and calls me a snob.

I know we have different tastes, and there’s a certain charm in the chaos, but his version of comfort just looks too much of a mishmash, and it seems as if he’s trying too hard to recreate a sense of our home in the UK.

The blankets are really an example of a bigger problem, though. I think Dave likes his home comforts too much and doesn’t do as much to embrace new things. Whenever we travel, he will pack so many things from Britain that I’ll start to wonder: what’s the point in coming abroad? He will bring jerk seasoning, Marmite and Mini Cheddars. While I like all those things, I don’t feel we need them when we have moved to a country with better produce on offer.

Bringing all these food items from home limits our chances to try new things. I think travelling and living in new places is all about putting yourself outside your comfort zone, whereas Dave prefers to play it safe.

We’ve been together nine years and he’s always been like this. I find it quite funny, but I also don’t like him taking up packing space with teabags and crisps. Dave needs to branch out and try the local delicacies. The blankets he’s draped over our furniture and the British foods he’s brought have made me believe he needs to be more open-minded.

We’re not in Barcelona to replicate our lives in London. He needs to stop trying to make our old tastes fit in here.

The defence: Dave

We are abroad for six months a year, so I like to take familiar things. Jenna’s just being a snob

Jenna is one of those well-travelled people who likes to tell everyone else how to enjoy their trips. She can’t believe there are British cafes in Spain that serve a full English, and her mouth drops when she sees British people eating sausage and chips here.

I jokingly call her a snob, but I see her point. You should embrace the local culture when you travel. But people should be able to enjoy themselves however they like. Not everyone wants to spend their mornings deciphering a Catalan menu.

I like to feel at home when I’m away. I bring everything but the kitchen sink. I want my slippers, my favourite tea, my Mini Cheddars. Jenna, however, treats it like she’s a backpacker who must keep everything light.

It was her idea to do hybrid living. We’re Irish but live in London, so we both have EU passports – we can just sublet our flat and off we go. She says we are not setting up a life abroad, just living away for six months, but six months is half the year, not a weekend away. Sometimes she forgets to bring essentials like socks, an iPhone charger or a decent jacket, and I have to try not to say, “I told you so.”

When it comes to decorating the flat, I take the lead as I am the shopper out of us two. I bought blankets to add warmth and it’s my way of nesting. Jenna reacted as if I’d brought home a bunch of rags.

Our clashing styles were never an issue back home, but here she wants the tatty old furniture to be visible to “let the Spanish vibe shine through”. What Spanish vibe? It’s all tatty stuff that doesn’t represent Barcelona, but Jenna acts as if we are going to offend the locals. I don’t care about impressing the tourist police – it’s our home.

I think home comforts are important when you’re abroad. They make you feel grounded in your new space. I’m probably more of a homebody than Jenna, but I’m up for travelling and living abroad, too. Jenna says my behaviour is a bit weird and that I’m not being “present” in our new home, but for me it’s about finding a balance and merging the old and the new.

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The jury of Guardian readers

Should Dave do more to get into the Barcelona lifestyle?

A compromise could be to buy the British items in the local stores, to free up packing space. Jenna seems like more of a free spirit who is happy to embrace the locals and the culture. As Dave is agreeing to her wishes, perhaps she could accept some of his?
Mousumi, 53

As Dave and Jenna go to Barcelona for half the year, I think he should be able to take some “home comforts” with him. It’s good that he sees Jenna’s point about embracing local culture, so maybe they could go shopping together to buy some Spanish furniture.
Katharine 73

Jenna’s idea of Barcelona feels curated, almost costume-like, but Dave actively rejects adapting. He’s turned living abroad into simply exporting his everyday habits, closing himself off to the culture around him. Living in another country is about expanding your horizons, not taking your familiar comforts with you.
Daniel, 45

I find myself missing burger and chips when I’m away from the UK for a while, so I empathise with Dave. Jenna sounds like she is being too strict about such matters. Why can’t he take his slippers away with him?
Janine, 39

It’s nice to have creature comforts with you when you’re away. Reading between the lines, it sounds like Dave doesn’t want to go away at all! So if he’s already compromising, Jenna should cut him some slack!
Anna, 24