You be the judge: should my boyfriend stop drinking from a water bladder during sex?

21 hours ago 5

The prosecution: Leanne

It looks like a drip and reminds me of a hospital. If he needs a drink, a cup is more appropriate

I’ve been with my boyfriend, Wes, for about a year and a half. We don’t live together, and last summer he built himself a four-poster bed, which I thought was really cool. But a few months ago he got one of those water bladders with a long tube and hung it from one side of the bed.

He said it was practical, and at first I didn’t mind. I thought it was a joke. There were also moments when I thought it was practical too. Sometimes, when he was drinking from it, I thought: “I’ll have a drink from it as well.” But then I asked him if he was going to take it down, and he just brushed it off.

One day, we were having an intimate moment and he whipped out the water bladder and started drinking from it. He should have been concentrating on me so I was annoyed, and now it’s banished.

It was just a huge turnoff. It looks like a drip and it reminds me of a hospital. When you’re with your partner that’s not the connotation you want. Hydration is important, but if Wes needs a drink during sex a water bottle or a cup of water is more appropriate.

The water bladder was up for about two and a half months in total. That moment tipped me over the edge, and thankfully Wes listened to me.

We have come to an agreement to keep it out of the bedroom, but I know that part of him wants it back. We are going to a festival this weekend and Wes says he is going to bring two water bladders. I won’t be drinking from one unless there’s an emergency.

Wes loves hiking and biking, and uses a water bladder then. I think that’s acceptable as it’s what it was originally designed for – but it’s not for the bedroom.

Even though we live separately, as I usually go to Wes’s place, I think he should listen to me when I say I’m not comfortable with something. He did take it down after that incident, but I know if I allowed it, the water bladder would go straight back up.

The defence: Wes

I get that it was maybe insensitive to do it during sex, but I didn’t expect her to be so bothered

After building myself a four-poster bed while I was bored, I attached a water bladder I had lying around the house with a little bit of string, looping it over the top of the bed. I thought it was practical and funny. It was really hot recently, so it was a good way to stay hydrated.

At first, Leanne drank from it with me when she came round to stay. She didn’t seem opposed to it. But then when I drank from it during an intimate moment she reacted really strongly. Things came to an abrupt halt there and then, and the water bladder was removed immediately. It felt like an overreaction in the face of something I thought was totally innocent. I get that it was bad timing and maybe a bit insensitive to do it during sex. However, I didn’t expect her to be so bothered.

It started out as “look at this fun idea”, and I thought: “Wow, I can drink hands-free.” But then Leanne said she didn’t like the imagery of it. I do get that the thought of me lying in bed with a tube stuck out of my mouth during sex isn’t very attractive.

But we are going to a festival soon and she’s banned it in the tent too. She’s OK with me using it when we’re out and about, just not when I’m lying down inside the tent. I think it’s much more practical than a cup – there’s no risk of spillage. And surely a water bladder is appropriate in any context where you’re camping?

If we are in the crowds for hours and Leanne runs out of water, and I’ve got litres left in the bladder, I think she’ll end up using it. It’s a different context to the bedroom, but it seems like the whole idea of the water bladder is totally corrupted for Leanne now.

There’s not really a middle ground for her when it comes to the water bladder. I’ve suggested getting a smaller one, but to no avail. Ultimately, Leanne’s upset is more important than the convenience. If it means she is happier, then it’s worth it, but privately I think a water bladder is entirely functional. If she said I could hang it off the bed again, I 100% would.

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The jury of Guardian readers

Is a water bladder acceptable in the bedroom?

Water bladders have their place, but should not be used in the home, let alone during an intimate moment. Wes should focus on understanding Leanne’s feelings and how to use bladders appropriately, rather than trying to shoehorn them into every situation.
Adnaan, 30

Leanne is well within her rights to ban the bladder from the bedroom and also from what functions as a bedroom while they are at the festival. This still leaves Wes plenty of opportunities to hydrate when he’s out and about, just not during sleep or sex!
Harmony, 30

It’s entirely reasonable to ask that the water bladder isn’t used in the bedroom. Yet, I think it is totally normal to use it in most other contexts, including at a festival. Wes has been willing to make adjustments, so Leanne should let him drink in the tent.
Lola, 25

Leanne has made it perfectly clear to Wes that she finds the water bladder distasteful, and it makes her uncomfortable. Relationships are about compromise – when your partner tells you they don’t like something, you stop doing it. There is no reasonable excuse to persist with this.
Peter, 60

Wes isn’t a Formula One driver, he can take 10 seconds to drink from a glass. A bladder at a festival makes sense, but using one in the home is unnecessary. Leanne is right to come down hard on it, and Wes is right to concede.
Matt, 30