2 hours ago
2
Name: Competency porn.
Age: Relatively new.
Appearance: Just unbelievably sexy.
No thanks, porn isn’t really my kind of thing. No, I agree. But what I’m offering you is something far more desirable.
I’m listening. How would you like to come to mine and watch a two-hour supercut of people being really good at their jobs?
Oh God, you’re really speaking my language. Of course I am. I’m speaking everyone’s language. Because, in 2026, when it feels like the entire world is being run by people who wouldn’t be able to successfully locate their own bottoms with their hands tied behind their backs, nothing is hotter than basic competency.
How competent are we talking? It depends. We could watch The Paper, the sitcom about a struggling local newspaper fighting to maintain journalistic integrity in a world more interested in short-term clickbait.
Be still my beating heart. Or The Pitt, the hospital drama that keeps winning awards purely because it’s about doctors in Pennsylvania doing their jobs to a high degree of success.
This is really working for me, you know. Or there’s always my favourite. Be careful, though, because most people can’t handle it.
What is it? It’s a TikTok account by someone who can perform the wet on wet cookie-icing technique without making a single mistake.
This feels almost transgressive. What’s going on? Well, at the moment the world is permanently three seconds away from any number of disasters, and in times of great stress all anyone wants is a little escapism. This is that.
Is it really escapism, though? At the moment, yes. There was once a time when we would seek escapism with something fantastical like Game of Thrones. But watching a show about a handful of power-hungry leaders slaughtering their populations like chum to further their own megalomaniacal ideals these days feels a bit, you know, on the nose.
It’s basically a documentary. Exactly. And so, instead, we’re all getting off to content about people who can quietly go about their days, improving things for people without any fuss. Did you hear that Shrinking is back soon?
What’s Shrinking? It’s an Apple TV comedy about therapists helping each other through moments of minor personal jeopardy.
Tell me, is their furniture nice as well? It’s so nice. Everyone is improbably rich and has excellent taste, in addition to their aforementioned competency.
Jesus, feed it into my veins. And mine. But feed it to me smoothly and efficiently, please. I don’t think my nervous system could take anything else at this point.
Do say: “Hey baby, let’s go back to mine.”
Don’t say: “Only if you let me watch you fold your laundry correctly.”
