The hill I will die on: Stag and hen dos should be fun, not bankrupting endurance tests | Liam Pape

1 week ago 19

A stag or hen do should be a straightforward, fun night celebrating a good friend moving into a new chapter of their life. Instead, thanks to films such as The Hangover and Bridesmaids, as well as the general Americanisation of what a “bachelor” or “bachelorette” party should be, we’ve ended up with too many overindulgent, wildly inconvenient and quite frankly underwhelming send-offs to our friends who are getting married.

Somewhere along the way, they’ve morphed into three-day tests of stamina and disposable income. Groomsmen bankrupting themselves on long weekends in Vegas that are billed as obligatory for anyone who wants to keep calling themselves a friend. Injuries sustained during ill-advised human pyramids on Spanish beaches. Weddings called off after drunken lapses of judgments in strip clubs. To add insult to injury, in 2023, a survey by Aviva found the average person spends £779 attending a stag or hen in the UK – and that goes up to £1,208 when it’s held abroad. Consequently, they’ve become gruelling and – crucially – not even fun any more.

First, let’s address the elephant in the room: are stag and hen dos even necessary in this age of equality and frugality? Some would argue that they are archaic rites rooted in fragile ideas of masculinity and femininity and it’s time to do away with such debased ideas of fun. To that I say: boringggg. Now put on the pink cowboy hat, take a sip from the phallic-shaped straw, and embrace the ritual. I’ve come up with a five-step formula that respects tradition, but modernises some aspects, and makes for an actually enjoyable stag do or hen party. My credentials? I’ve been a best man a couple of times, thrown a hen do, and officiated a wedding.

1 Keep it to just one day/night. People always drink too much on the first night (and why shouldn’t they?), meaning that whatever activity is planned for the next day is scuppered by huge hangovers. At best, that means everyone is tired and has a headache; at worst, vomiting inside go-kart helmets or paintball masks. Booking a multi-night bender where friends need to deplete their savings and use precious annual leave is also a big no-no.

2. Forget the division of the sexes. When I was planning a stag a few years ago, the groom considered not inviting his best friend of 25 years because she happened to be a woman. Barmy. But what if it’s awkward? Definitely no more awkward than inviting your future father or mother-in-law to partake in group fancy dress or slam shots in an All Bar One.

3. Offer some kind of non-alcoholic icebreaker activity. First, this means there’s something for the ever-increasing number of people who don’t drink. Second, if you’re bringing together friends from childhood, adulthood and family, sometimes axe-throwing, a murder mystery or a spa is required to give attendees at least some common ground before commencing a night on the lash.

4. Cheeky fun is a must. Simply tradition. It doesn’t have to be someone getting their kit off and frolicking around for entertainment, but a low-level hum of rudeness sets apart the sacrality of a stag or hen from any other night on the town. And if you can’t laugh at Magic Mike Live or some mildly obscene cake, you may have mistaken the occasion for corporate away day.

5. Prioritise real friends. Make the nearly-wed pick a close group of friends to choose the date. Only add other contacts after this. I was once added to a 20-person stag do group chat where dates were polled, and the winning one worked for people the groom hadn’t seen since school, but not his best mates. Great news for Matt from year 9 Duke of Edinburgh, bad news for the people you really want to see there.

In short, the perfect stag or hen doesn’t need be a logistical endurance test, followed by months of chasing a friend of a friend to bank transfer you their airfare. It should be a well-curated night with the people that matter to the bride or groom. If the best man or woman can provide that, you won’t just be sending your friend into married life, you’ll be giving them one last, genuinely great night out before the seating plan arguments begin. And you’re guaranteed to stay a friend long after the speeches are over.