You be the judge: should my wannabe influencer friend stop using me for content?

2 hours ago 2

The prosecution: Beth

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a bit, but it weighs on our friendship.

She is an extrovert and feels the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her posing or filming herself eating – I get secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram later, and it comes like a jumpscare: I’ll have no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to a couple of brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I spend helping her make content.

I’m grateful that Marielle has helped me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but sometimes I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I love spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, edited, or posted for an audience. I’m not a prop for her Instagram.

The defence: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the content we make together can get us a foot in the door

I love shooting content. It’s not just a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online allows me to express myself and connect with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to make money from your passions. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that style of casual, DIY film-making.

Creating content is my version of living actively: noticing the details, sharing them with an audience that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my way of sharing opportunities, giving her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the content we make together can get us: a foot in the door. I know not everyone enjoys being filmed, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes content authentic. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I would delete anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my personal videographer, but friends help each other in small ways. I thought filming a clip here or there would be fun for Beth. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having Beth around makes projects lively and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately embarrass her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship deeply and don’t want content creation to come between us. I’m willing to compromise: like asking before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about control, it’s about sharing my world while still respecting hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The jury of Guardian readers

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

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There’s nothing more excruciating than having a friend film you. I get that it’s Marielle’s job, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Maybe she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is content. She needs to respect Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love making content and showing off her life publicly, but it’s not for everyone. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the priority in your friendship. Create some real memories, where genuine feelings are stored, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting clear boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71