You be the judge: should my mum stop asking me to buy her new headphones?

5 hours ago 8

The prosecution: Henry

Mum doesn’t look after her headphones because she knows I’ll always be there to buy her new ones

My mum, Maggie, is constantly losing her headphones. Not occasionally – constantly. They don’t just fall behind the sofa once every six months – they vanish into the ether every few weeks then reappear months later in improbable places. Because she is elderly and not particularly comfortable ordering things online, I usually buy replacements for her.

Whenever she loses her latest pair, she asks, “Could you order me another pair of those headphone things?” and I always do, of course. The trouble is that the house has now become a graveyard of headphone cases.

I looked at my online shopping history recently and I have bought her 17 pairs since 2022. And then they’ll turn up again in the strangest places – we found one pair inside a Christmas biscuit selection tin. That was funny.

I’m not convinced she takes very good care of them, because she knows I will just order a new pair when she loses them. If you are continually rescued from the consequences of losing something, why bother keeping track of it? It has become a running joke between me and my sister Betty.

Recently, however, Mum escalated things by announcing that she would like a pair of Apple headphones for her birthday. Betty said I should just buy them for her, but I am not so sure. They’re so expensive, so they’re not the sort of thing you would want to misplace.

I reminded Mum of the biscuit tin incident, but she just laughed and said she put them there on purpose and that if she had a more expensive pair of headphones she wouldn’t lose them. I am not convinced by this logic – Mum’s house is quite cluttered and she won’t let me throw things out. Things get lost in there.

I feel slightly mean even saying this, as I love my mum, but part of me thinks the only way this stops is if I stop buying her headphones entirely. Perhaps if she had to replace them herself, she might be more careful. It isn’t really the money that annoys me about this; it’s the idea that this cycle will simply continue.

The defence: Maggie

I’m 76, and don’t like online shopping. It only takes Henry 30 seconds to buy a new pair

My son Henry is exaggerating terribly. I don’t lose headphones all the time. I simply put them away in different places and occasionally forget which place that was.

This happens to everyone, especially when you live in a house where things move about over time. I live on my own, in a large, eccentric home. I’m not a hoarder but I often forget where I put things. Henry will come over and find the headphones after I have lost them, and while I’m grateful to him for helping me find them and buying new ones, I could do without some of his lectures.

I’m 76; I don’t need to be told to “be more careful”. I just live my life how I want and sometimes I’m a bit scatty. A pair of headphones might start life on the coffee table, then migrate to the kitchen counter or end up in a box of biscuits because I take them out at random times, like when people call me or when I get distracted.

I can never keep the same pair in the same box, but luckily with the brand Henry gets you can buy different models and they all fit in the same case. I understand he is worried about upgrading my headphones, but I would like some better ones. People are allowed to want nice things. He is making it sound as though I’m planning to fling them into the nearest hedge. I think I would look after them more if I knew they were expensive. The ones he gets are about £25.

Henry is very good with the internet and it only takes him about 30 seconds to repurchase them each time I ask. When I try to buy things online myself, I end up accidentally subscribing to newsletters or agreeing to cookies that I don’t understand.

My son is very kind to help me with these things, but sometimes he forgets that small annoyances are part of family life. He comes to see me every week and if the worst thing he has to deal with is ordering headphones for his mother, I think we’re doing rather well. And for the record: the biscuit tin was an excellent storage decision. It wasn’t an accident – I actually knew exactly where they were at the time.

The jury of Guardian readers

Maggie you’re SO guilty! Your son works hard for his money, so by losing his gifts repeatedly you’re saying you don’t value his time and effort. My nan is 92 and gets my mum to order things on Amazon, charged to her card.
Wren, 28

We shouldn’t assume Maggie mislays her headphones because of her age. However, as an adult, she must be the one to pay for them, including the updated version.
Tuba, 33

With all due respect to Henry’s generosity, if he refused to buy his mum headphones it could cause hurt and change little. Buying them is a light-hearted part of their time together. When it comes to an upgrade, maybe set a limit of one per year.
Sam, 43

Maggie is behaving like a teenager. If she needs replacement headphones the very least she should do is pay for them rather than expecting her son to. Could it be that losing them is a way of getting her son’s attention and creating a topic of conversation on his weekly visits?
Belinda, 67

Maggie needs to take responsibility. Perhaps she should place a standing order at her local high street phone shop and pick up a new pair every three months? Although it’s possible she is deliberately getting her own back on her son. I wonder how many things she bought and rebought him as a child …
Anna-Katharine, 45